Dear Mr. Gray

Dear Mr. Gray,

I am asking myself now, could I actually be so happy, so satisfied with myself for this? The answer is certainly NO. How could one be happy? How would one be happy if one could not get what one wanted? I am nothing now but a balled mass of unfulfilled wishes, rotting alone in my own way.

But I do not blame you for this. No, not you. Please do not take it that I am writing you this letter because I blame you for all my misfortunes. I just wanted you to understand how you got involved in this hell I had dragged myself into.

Mr. Gray, I am suffering at the moment. I am in an inferno of sorrow, pain, hatred, wrath, and bitterness. It is simply all because I could not get the only thing I had ever wanted.

Sometimes Mr. Gray, when I look at you,  it feels like I am gazing at a distant star. And I could not get my hands on that star yet I really wanted to have it. Now, I know you get it why I decided to write you this. Yes Mr. Gray, you are the only thing I had ever wanted. Nothing more, nothing less. Just you.

I never asked for anything else. All my life, I always get what I needed so I do not have to ask for more. Getting what I need has always been more than enough.But the day came when my heart found out what it profoundly wanted.

Yet, circumstances surrounding both me and you would not allow me to get what it wanted and just simply be happy. They are not simple circumstances, I tell you Mr. Gray. They are somewhat facts that are meant to allow things to glide naturally their way. Things that are responsible for taking on smoothly what must be there. Things that are simply obliging with nature's course. You might not be able to comprehend what I am talking about here Mr. Gray, but know that these things are unconquerable forces guiding and forcing every single thing in this universe to follow a preconceived pattern. Getting what i wanted is not part of that preconceived pattern. Curse.

This is the cause of my misery, Mr. Gray. I wake up every morning, only to ask myself the same question, in absence of someone to address the question to- why, why, why?

Why did it has to be this way? Why did that scornful pattern have to be followed by all means and by all things in this hopeless universe? What gave it the right to treat everything as puppets subject to its own design? Maybe some had already asked the same questions like mine yet still, no one has rightfully received a fair answer. Poor creatures we are. What had we ever done to deserve this?

I tell you, the answers to my questions might not even exist and if that they do, they might not be enough to console us of the fact that we are merely subjects in multiple experiments performed by a monstrous someone or something somewhere. I could not carry on this suffering any longer. There must be an end to this.

Just try to keep up with it Mr. Gray. Know that I love you, no matter what.

Love,
Nameless

sitting by the doorstep, bored to death

Hello August! It took 7 days for me to realize that indeed it is already August. Yes, it is already August and I don't have a job yet. Great. Just great.

So here I am, sitting by the doorstep, taking pictures of myself and realizing I am quite a very perfect image of "just- got- out- of- college- and- bored- kid".

I never imagined that this is how life after graduation would be. Perfect. Though I am bored to death, I don't want to go back again, reminiscing school life. Though not absolutely, I feel fine living at home and doing what I have to do.

It would be easier for me now to contemplate on what I would want to do with my life. Right now, I don't have a plan. Maybe I would cry first for all the things I had not cried for. Then, I can move on. :)